Five Discreet Laughs in the Time of My Sharona Virus

It's not funny when you're facing a global pandemic, but for some reason I want to laugh.

• President Trump discusses the challenges we are facing from a "foreign" virus, as if viruses were subject to nationalities or borders. Trump's insistence on framing every issue through the populist lens of America First would be funny if it wasn't also tragic. When is he going to understand that we live in an interconnected planet and that what goes around comes around? That's right, never. His lack of empathy for the suffering in Europe and Asia mocks the concept of American leadership in the world. 
• Rudy Gobert, the French center of the Utah Jazz insouciantly goes around touching every microphone at a press conference to show how people are over-reacting to the Covid-19 virus, and then he tests positive, leading the NBA to cancel the rest of the season. Jokes on him. Maybe he takes his cues from Trump, who up until last night was also insisting that the infection was a hoax and fake news.
• Stock futures tumble after Trump gives a robotic speech intended to calm nerves with a picture of resolve and intelligence. Watching him try to read off a teleprompter is hypnotically alluring, but markets around the world react by hitting the reject button. I would laugh if I wasn't busy making a list of items to hoard.
• Harvey Weinstein, speaking before his sentencing for a career of serial rape and abuse of his powerful position as a Hollywood producer, admits to being unfaithful to both of his ex-wives. "I was unfaithful to both. I can't tell you how bad I feel." No shit, Harvey! Otherwise, he shows very little remorse or even awareness of having done anything wrong other than infringe on his "good friendships" with women with his sexual needs. This, I admit, is more of a disgusted snort than a belly laugh.
• Trump's travel ban on Europe sidesteps the countries Britain and Ireland, where he owns three resorts. Because, of course it does. The master of self-dealing was always going to trump the Corona virus.
• And a bonus point. Happy St. Patrick's day with all parades cancelled! This is definitely not funny. Will have to practice social distancing by painting your face green and marching around the backyard with a Guinness. Your neighbors will think you're sick, but the joke will be on them, right?